brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
