you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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