Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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