those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I use my feet as sexual weapons
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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