I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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