so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize