I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just gift wrapped bread.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
