i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
