So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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