The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
