I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
