I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Farmville is her only friend.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
