I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You're like the curious george of whores
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
