let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
