Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
