oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
