they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
