Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Even my vagina gasped.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
