shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
