How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
