If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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