Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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