he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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