he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
