I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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