He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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