I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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