what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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