This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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