are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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