you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
