so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm just crazy horny about you
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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