is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
