I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
