Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
