Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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