Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize