i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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