And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you win again, gameday.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
