sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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