I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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