I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
