Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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