someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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