He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
