Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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