Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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