How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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