Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
