Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
