he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
