My hair reeks of homosexuality.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
