I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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