I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
