Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
