tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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