hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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