eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
