Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
