The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
A+ Viking dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your penis caused this!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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