I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just forgot I was standing up.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
