peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i will never coherently bang her
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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