When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
