My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
