You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
