ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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