these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
