I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
