so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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