Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
