Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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