I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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