im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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