The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
