Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
