i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize